I Don't Enjoy Being an Oven

3-year-old, sniffing me:
     "You smell like poop."

Talking to my husband about pregnancy:
     "The end result is cute, however, I'm not a fan of the process. I don't enjoy being an oven."

3-year-old, after spilling strawberry glaze on her leg:
     "I have a pink...what are those picture things all over you?"
     "Huh? Tattoos?"
     "Yeah! I have a pink tattoo!"

3-year-old, yelling from the bathroom:
     "Mommy! Come wipe my butt!"
     "You wipe it!"
     "I don't want to. It stinks!"

3-year-old, looking out the window:
     "Daddy! You left the gate open. Now puppies can poop in our yard."

My husband, to our 1-year-old, who was dancing and running around smacking people with her pants that she took off:
     "Adia! Quit running around smacking people!"

3-year-old, sticking TP between her butt cheeks while wiping:
     "Look! Now I have a rabbit tail!"
     "Take it out and finish wiping your butt!"
     *She shakes her "tail" at me*

Conversation between my husband and our 3-year-old:
     (Running naked to the bathroom) "I have a poop stain in my panties!"
     "Well, where are they?! Don't just leave poopy panties laying around the living room!"