What? It's No Fun if You Can't Chew on It?

To 2-year-old: "Stop wiggling your butt with poop in it."
Her: *giggle*

To 2-year-old: "I cannot take a piece of pasta out for you to try. The grocery store frowns upon that."

2-year-old, while I'm changing her diaper: "I want see turd!"

2-year-old was messing around at dinner:
"Sit down!"
"On the floor?"
"No! Not on the floor, on the chair!"

To 4-year-old, playing with her big stuffed tiger: "Why are you slapping the tiger in the face?'

Trying to put on 2-year-old's feetie jammies: "That's a foot hole, not an arm hole."

To 2-year-old, pretending a toy is a phone: "Why are you talking on a lizard?"

To 2-year-old: "Why are you 'ribet'ing at me?"

To 2-year-old, eating pizza rolls: "You can't just squeeze out the filling, you have to eat the whole thing."

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat your toe jam! Eww!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the napkin, eat the bread!"

To both kids: "Mommy and Daddy's motorcycle helmets are not toys."

To both kids: "I'm putting away laundry, go march somewhere else."

To 2-year-old: "Your waffle is not a hat. Please take it off."

To 2-year-old, chewing on a toy:
"Don't chew on that!"
*throws it on the floor*
"What? It's no fun if you can't chew on it?"

Talking to 2-year-old about her toy that she got wet:
"I'll figure out a way to dry her when I get out of the tub."
"I know!" *runs off* I wash Ming-Ming on my shoe! *rubs Ming-Ming on the sole of her shoe*
How did that possibly seem like the thing to do...?