Don't Dip the Booger-Covered Carrot

I haven't posted for a long time, so these are from quite a while ago but I don't want to not post any :)

To 2-year-old: "The carrot is not a spoon."

To 2-year-old: "Don't dip the booger-covered carrot!"

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Leave it alone. There will be times in life that you have to flush more than once, but not right now."

4-year-old: "Rubber bands are for stuff that you rubbered."

4-year-old: "I like your wiggly, jiggly tummy, Mommy." *sigh*

4-year-old talking to me:
"That happens sometimes when you get old, you get sick. How old are you, Mommy?"
"26."
"26?! I can't even count that high!"

Getting the kids ready to go somewhere: "Why are neither of you wearing pants?"

4-year-old talking about her fish:
"How do you get Nemo out to clean his bowl?"
"Well, we scoop him out and put him in another little bowl while we clean his."
"Don't scoop him out, just grab him out! Grab him by his tail!"

My sister-in-law: "What your children do to food is a tragedy."

To 2-year-old: "Don't put your pretzel on your toe."

To both kids: "No balloon dueling!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't feed Pluto!" (She was trying to feed a statue at Disney World, lol)

To 4-year-old washing her hands: "You scratched your butt hole, you need to use soap!"

To 2-year-old: "The penguin does not need to dance on my iPhone."

Go Pick Your Toes in the Living Room

To 2-year-old: "Do not get into the bucket or anywhere else you can't get yourself out of."

To 2-year-old: "My panties are not Ming-Ming's trampoline."

To 2-year-old: "Why are you making a tower out of TP?"

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Stop flinging the dust off of my computer."
"You used to fling the dust off of Grandma's when you were little."
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No, they didn't have computers when I was little." *shoving my head in my pillow in shame*

To 2-year-old: "Why did you just take my panties out of the hamper and run away?"

Talking to my 4-year-old after she decorated my computer with stickers: *Points at dragon sticker* "That's for Daddy because he used to live in California with you." Not sure what the connection is... last I checked there weren't any dragons in California.

Kicking my 2-year-old out of my room: "Go pick your toes in the living room."

Overhearing 2-year-old playing with a toy:
"I break her head!"
"Don't break her head!!"

"Why is there a flip-flop in the laundry hamper?"

4-year-old watching me clean:
"That doesn't smell like flowers to me."
"It's not flower scented."
"Oh. It smells like babies. It smells like you, Adia!"

To both: "The bed is not for walking on."

To 4-year-old:
"Stop ruffing."
 "I'm a puppy!"

There are Too Many Bodily Functions That Occur Somewhere Other Than the Toilet in This House!

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Quit wiggling your cheese at people and just eat it!"

Conversation with my 2-year-old:
"Mommy, I poop."
*look in diaper* "No, you didn't. You just farted."
"Change my farted."
"I don't need to change your diaper for a fart."

To 2-year-old playing with toy food: "You can pretend to eat it but don't actually bite it!"

To 4-year-old: "The spider is not going to eat your Pop-Tart. They don't eat Pop-Tarts."

My husband giving our 2-year-old juice:
"Do you want strawberry or cherry?"
"Blue."
"Blue is not an option."

Yelling at 4-year-old in the bathroom: "If you poop, be sure to wipe your butt!"

To both girls: "Don't put your heads in the doll house, you don't want to get them stuck."

To 4-year-old: "Do not put food inside the printer!"

While doing laundry: "There are too many bodily functions that occur somewhere other than the toilet in this house!"

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Quit rubbing your butt on things, it's weird."

To both girls: "You don't need to ride each other!"

To 4-year-old: "Every time you move, you fart."

My husband: "Where is the plate? The plate isn't even on the table anymore! It's across the room! What happened to cleaning up?!"

*******

 

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Bow Ties are Cool

Your Big Sister is Not Authorized to Give You Candy

To 4-year-old: "Get the horse out of the doorway."

My husband to our 2-year-old, playing with a toy fishing pole: "You don't need to go fishing in Mommy's coffee!"

To 2-year-old: "Take off Daddy's cowboy boot!"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"Can I have it so I can fix it?"
"No!"
"Fine, you can have a one-eyed snake, then!"

4-year-old traced her little sister's hand to draw a turkey.
"Look, Adia, it's a turkey!"
"I eat it?"

To 2-year-old:
"Leave my computer alone!"
"It was Tuck."

To 2-year-old: "Your big sister is not authorized to give you candy."

My husband to me, after our 2-year-old crapped in the tub: "You take care of the little tushie, while I fish the turd out of the tub."

To 2-year-old: "Don't pick your scab just because you want a band-aid."

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Don't bite the iPad, you little weirdo."

To 2-year-old: "Well, Captain Hook, you have a turd in your butt."

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Don't get the goo out! Just eat the cookie."

To 2-year-old: "Don't step on my bladder!" Never thought I'd say that after they were born...

To 2-year-old: "The paper towels are not the Wonder Pets' bed." Paper towels off the roll and torn up, I might add. :/

To 4-year-old: "Don't use your Barbies as lightsabers!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't put your fruit snacks between your toes!"

You Don't Need Denture Glue!

To 2-year-old, trying to bite my nose: "You're cute, but please don't eat me."

2-year-old:
"Boobs! Drum, drum, drum." *drumming on my bra*
"No! Don't drum, drum on my boobs."

To 2-year-old: "Why are you eating Hello Kitty?!"

To 2-year-old, a bit later: "Why are you putting Hello Kitty in your diaper?!"
Poor Hello Kitty...

To 4-year-old: "Don't give your dirty panties to your sister! That's gross."

Conversation with 4-year-old:
"I don't want to take a bath, I'm not stinky."
"You are too stinky, go take a bath."
*sniffs her arm* "I don't smell any stink on me."

Talking to 4-year-old, in the tub:
"Scrub your butt."
"Yeah, for the party. I don't want it to be stinky for the party!"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"I want wear panties."
"You want to wear panties? Well, you have to figure out how to not pee in them first."

To 2-year-old: "Please quit talking in a little demon voice."

To 2-year-old: "Mommy's writing something, I can't play with Elmo right now."

To 2-year-old: "My keyboard is not Elmo's choo-choo train track."

To 2-year-old, while shopping: "You don't need denture glue!"

✰✰✰

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

What? It's No Fun if You Can't Chew on It?

To 2-year-old: "Stop wiggling your butt with poop in it."
Her: *giggle*

To 2-year-old: "I cannot take a piece of pasta out for you to try. The grocery store frowns upon that."

2-year-old, while I'm changing her diaper: "I want see turd!"

2-year-old was messing around at dinner:
"Sit down!"
"On the floor?"
"No! Not on the floor, on the chair!"

To 4-year-old, playing with her big stuffed tiger: "Why are you slapping the tiger in the face?'

Trying to put on 2-year-old's feetie jammies: "That's a foot hole, not an arm hole."

To 2-year-old, pretending a toy is a phone: "Why are you talking on a lizard?"

To 2-year-old: "Why are you 'ribet'ing at me?"

To 2-year-old, eating pizza rolls: "You can't just squeeze out the filling, you have to eat the whole thing."

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat your toe jam! Eww!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the napkin, eat the bread!"

To both kids: "Mommy and Daddy's motorcycle helmets are not toys."

To both kids: "I'm putting away laundry, go march somewhere else."

To 2-year-old: "Your waffle is not a hat. Please take it off."

To 2-year-old, chewing on a toy:
"Don't chew on that!"
*throws it on the floor*
"What? It's no fun if you can't chew on it?"

Talking to 2-year-old about her toy that she got wet:
"I'll figure out a way to dry her when I get out of the tub."
"I know!" *runs off* I wash Ming-Ming on my shoe! *rubs Ming-Ming on the sole of her shoe*
How did that possibly seem like the thing to do...?

Just Because You Want to Play with the Toilet Paper Roll Doesn't Mean You Can Take All of the TP Off

(Overhearing 4-year-old in the bathtub with her sister)
"Scrub my butt!"
"Don't scrub your sister's butt!"

To 4-year-old, while changer her little sister's butt: "Leave your sister's poopy butt alone."

To 4-year-old who was handing a tissue to my husband: "You're old enough to throw away your own boogers."

To 2-year-old: "No, no, no! The iPad is not for your ponies to walk on!"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"I want take hand off."
"You want to take my hand off?"
"Yeah."
"It doesn't work like that, you can't just take body parts off."

My husband to our 2-year-old, whose diapers were falling off inside of her feetie jammies: "What are you, a butt magician?"

4-year-old, lifting up her little sister's jammies:
"There's a butt!"
"Of course there's a butt. It didn't fall off."

4-year-old: "We have a circus act! Come see it!"
My husband: "I knew this house was a circus..."

2-year-old: "I hurt my armpit."

To 2-year-old: "Get your face out of my butt." (No, I'm not dyslexic).

Changing 2-year-old's diaper:
"I almost lost the poop."
"I lost the poop!"
"I know you did- out of your butt."

To 2-year-old: "Take your stool back to the bathroom. Whatever you want to reach, you don't need to."

2-year-old:
"I want watch Doctor Who."
"Well, Doctor Who isn't on, you'll have to settle for Diego. Sorry to disappoint you."
I have officially nerdified my toddler :)

To 2-year-old: "Just because you want to play with the toilet paper roll, doesn't mean you can take all of the TP off."

To 2-year-old: "Don't put your carrot in your play-dough!"

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Quit Playing with the Trash Can

4-year-old:
"I'm tired so, I need some olives."
"What does being tired have to do with olives?"
*blushes* "Oh, I meant hungry."

To 2-year-old who took her diaper off while playing 'parade.': "Excuse me, you can't march in a parade with a naked tushie."

To 2-year-old: "No hammers in bed."

To 4-year-old: "You're the only person I know that's ticklish on their face."

About 2-year-old dressed up for Halloween: "Cinderella pooped her pants."

To 2-year-old: "Just because you are mad doesn't mean you can move furniture around!"

To 2-year-old:
*Sniff* "Did you poop?"
"No, Papa."
"Don't be blaming your smell on Papa, he's not even here!"

*My husband farts*
4-year-old: *giggle* "It sounds like a musical instrument!"

To 2-year-old: "Get your sister's dirty panties off your head. Ew."

2-year-old, with Daddy's boot sock on her hand: "Fishing pole!"

To 2-year-old stepping on the trash can pedal, opening and closing it: "Quit playing with the trash can and sit down and eat."

To 2-year-old: "Don't beat Elmo up."

To 4-year-old: Why do you have a tea pot in your bed?"

Please Quit Driving on My Clean Laundry

Me, to 2-year-old: "What do you have in your mouth?"
4-year-old: "I gave her bread crumbs."
Me: "You have your sister bread crumbs? How kind of you..."

To 4-year-old squeezing a bath toy: "Pay attention to where you are squirting!"

To 4-year-old: "Why do you have a boot in a bucket?"

To 4-year-old: "How did you scratch yourself on a pillow?"

Me: "Adia's feet are cute."
4-year-old: "I have big feet."
Me: "And smelly. Of course, hers are smelly, too."
4-year-old: "But mine are smellier!"

To 2-year-old: "Why are you setting your water on top of your waffle? It's not a waffle coaster."

To 4-year-old: "Get your backpack off of your head." (As in, her head was in the backpack).

4-year-old, looking at her little sister's poop in her diaper: "It's shaped like a chicken!"

Changing 2-year-old's diaper:
2-year-old: "I hold my feetsies."
My husband: "Glad we taught her that at the age of two."
Me: "Eh, it'll come in handy eventually."
*Husband glares at me*

To 2-year-old: "Why is the doll house wearing a firefighter hat?"

2-year-old, walking up behind me: "I need that boob."
Me: "What?" *turn around* "That's a bib."

To 2-year-old: "Eat your rice, don't poke it."

To 2-year-old: "Please quit driving on my clean laundry."

You Cannot Wear the Firefighter Hat in the Bathtub

To 4-year-old: "Don't feed your sister, she can feed herself!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the soap, scrub with it!"

My husband: "I still want feetie jammies."
4-year-old: "Like grown-up teenager jammies? That's silly!"
Me: "Mommy and Daddy are not teenagers."
My husband: "Not for a long time..."

Trying to get 4-year-old to stay in bed at night:
"Now, stay in bed!"
"I've been quiet for a while."
"You've been quiet for maybe a minute."
"Yeah..."

To 2-year-old: "I think you're about ready to start potty training, since you're holding your own feet for me while I change your diaper."

To both girls: "Stop sniffing your feet!"

To 2-year-old: "You cannot wear the firefighter hat in the bathtub!"

To 2-year-old: "Get the bucket off of your foot and quit kicking your sister with it!"

4-year-old: "Adia pulled my hair!"
Me: "Adia, don't pull your sister's hair!"
2-year-old: "I bite it."
Me: "Well, don't bite your sister's hair, either!"

To 2-year-old: "Mousekersizing with a cookie in your hand... seems a bit contradictory."

4-year-old to 2-year-old: "Stop jumping on the couch, ma'am."

To 4-year-old: "Your sister is not a bouncy ball."

To 2-year-old: "Don't pour your apple juice on your chicken nuggets!"

To 4-year-old: "You just got apple pie on my foot!"

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Quit Scratching Your Butt and Sit Down

To 2-year-old: "Nobody wants to eat the french fry you've been nibbling on."

To both girls: "No! No tug-of-war with your blanket on the bed!"

4-year-old: "Ow! I'm a little bit clumsy."
Me: "Yes, yes you are."
My husband: "A little bit?!"

4-year-old: "Who farted?"
2-year-old: "Me!"

To 4-year-old: "My foot is not a phone."

My husband talking to our 2-year-old:
"Daddy, I'm wet!"
"I know you're wet. You're in a bath tub, that's generally what happens."

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Don't smoosh your sister's toys."

To 2-year-old: "Quit scratching your butt and sit down."

To 2-year-old: "Quit 'fishing' with your french fry."

To 2-year-old:
"You're not mousekersizing. You're being lazy."
*Nods while chugging down apple juice.*

To both girls: "Stop bunny-hopping!"

Me to 4-year-old looking at spices while I made cider: "You don't want to put oregano in apple cider."

To 2-year-old, while changing her pull-up:
*Starts to run off*
"Wait! You only have one leg in!"

To 2-year-old: "You can't brush your teeth and eat chicken at the same time."

A Combination of Chocolate, Boogers, and Popcorn

Talking to my 4-year-old:
"It's Adia's hat! She was looking for that for years!"
"Well, she's only been alive for two years, so it couldn't have been too long."

My 4-year-old talking to me about her little sister:
"Adia's gonna grow up big! Big like a balloon and then go POP!"
"She is not going to pop!"

4-year-old: "I ate too much salsa. I'm gonna fart out fire."

To my 2-year-old, who was wrapping my measuring tape around her tiny little finger: "You do not need to measure your finger."

My husband talking about our 2-year-old: "She has a combination of chocolate, boogers, and popcorn on her hands."

Talking to my 2-year-old:
"Eat your apple."
"I roll it."
"It is not a ball, it's an apple. Eat it."
*Continues rolling it* "Whee!"

To 2-year-old: "Sweetie, you can't hold these cups upside down, they spill. Lesson number two of the big girl cup..."

Talking to my 4-year-old, looking out the window:
"Somebody threw an icky chip on our bush."
"Where?"
"There." *points*
"That's a leaf. It's just a leaf that turned brown."
"Oh."

4-year-old: *Marches up to me* "My feet stink." *Sticks her foot in the air at me* "Smell 'em."

To 2-year-old: "You don't move the table to you. You move your chair to the table."

My husband: "Son of a..."
Adia: "Bitch!"
Yeah...we're at the parrot stage. Need to watch our language, lol.

To 4-year-old: "Take your french fry package off your head."

Talking to 2-year-old:
"Chicken!"
"Go sit down and eat!"
*Walks over to her chair* "Pie!"
"It doesn't matter if you're eating something different, you still have to sit down!"

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Why is There a Toilet in My Pillow?

To 2-year-old: "Quit trying to put your dollies in my pants!"

Talking to our 2-year-old during dinner one night:
Me: "Eat your beans."
My husband: "They make you fart!"
*She smiles and pushes*
Me: "That doesn't mean you have to try while you're eating them."

To 4-year-old: "It's not a drumstick, it's a fork." (Ok, I heard that one A LOT as a kid, lol).

To 2-year-old: "Don't grab people's butts.

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Can we go outside and blow my bubbles?"
"No, it's too cold out."
*Looks out the window* "I don't see any cold."
"You can't see cold."
"Oh. Why not?"

Me, when going to bed: "Why is there a toilet in my pillow?"

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Your sleeve is not a booger wiper."

4-year-old, running up to my husband:
"My balloon popped!"
"What happened?"
"I was poking it with this." *pulls out a toy knife*
"Ok, you can't poke a balloon with a KNIFE!"

To my 2-year-old after dinner: "Hang on, come here. You have rice in your nose."

4-year-old:
"Get the tutu off your neck."
"But I'm pretending to be a flower!"

2-year-old burps, and starts chewing.
My husband: "Did you burp some up that you're chewing?"
Adia: "Yeah."
My husband: "That's gross."

To my 2-year-old:
"Are you done eating?"
"No."
"Then sit down and eat. I'm not going to sit out here all afternoon while you dance around!"

Me, to my 2-year-old holding tongs:
"Put those down before you hurt yourself."
My 4-year-old: "You're gonna snap your eye out!"
"No, she's not! Don't tell her that."

Our 2-year-old looks in the toilet while we are cleaning her poop out of the bathtub.
"I poop in toilet!"
"Just because your poop is in the toilet, doesn't mean that you pooped in the toilet."

Quit Honking My Boob!

Talking to my 2-year-old:
"How did you get chili on your toe?"
*Looks down and wiggles it.*
"Quit wiggling it and eat the rest of your chili."

To my 4-year-old: "Quit flying."

To 4-year-old, eating dinner: "Don't play with your rib bones!"

To my 4-year-old: "Don't shake my Kahlua!"

To 4-year-old: "You are the only person I've ever met who is ticklish on their face."

To 2-year-old, trying to walk through the house behind her: "You're like being stuck behind an old lady with her blinker on."

To 2-year-old: "Quit honking my boob!"

To my daughters: "Your bowls are not hats, please take them off."

To 2-year-old: "Don't try to talk and swallow at the same time, it doesn't work."

To 2-year-old: "Why do you have two utensils and you're still using your fingers?"

To 2-year-old: "Don't put the Wonder Pets in your butt."

Conversation with my 2-year-old:
"Lana dance?"
"Lana doesn't have dance for a couple of days."
"Oh, why?"
"That's just when it is."
"Why?"
"Just because! Why are you such a pain in the butt?"
"Just 'cause!"

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Go brush your teeth."
"I don't want to. My leg hurts."
"That has nothing to do with your teeth, go brush."

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Kitties and Bears Don't Use Tartar Sauce

To 2-year-old: "You have to wash both hands, not just one."

To 2-year-old: "You do not need a spoon for steak and potato chips!"

To 2-year-old: "You don't have to stab your potato chips...you can eat those with your hands..."

To 2-year-old, asking me for a toy while I was changing her diaper: "I'll give it back when I'm done with your poop."

To-2-year hold:
"Stop poking my bra."
"Boobs!"

Talking to 4-year old about dinner:
"I like these fries. They're wrinkle fries."
"Crinkle."

Talking to my husband about the grocery store not having tartar sauce:
Me: "They must have a hard time selling tartar sauce."
My husband: "Nobody eats fish around here."
4-year-old: "Kitties eat fish! And bears!"
Me: "Well...yes, but they don't use tartar sauce."

To 4-year-old, who was sitting on my pillow: "Pillows are not for butts or feet."

To 2-year-old: "You cannot live on waffles alone."

To 2-year-old: "You can't wear your diaper over your pants."

To 2-year-old: "Stop sucking on my chair... And don't bite it! What is wrong with you?!"

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Your pathetic cries for waffles will go unanswered."

To 2-year-old: "Don't suck on the dolly's foot."

To 2-year-old: "You can't go wash your hands, you have a meatball in your hand!"

Me, to my husband: "Did I take my lunch time pills?"
4-year-old: "I took my lunch time pills."
Me: "You don't  have any lunch time pills."


To 2-year-old: "Quit snorting on my chair!"


Dilana, to my husband: "You have hairy feet, Daddy."
My husband: "Yes, I have hairy feet."
2-year-old, holding up her foot and looking at it: "I want hair feet!"

  

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Quit Eating Hair and I Won't Have to Pull it out of Your Butt Hole

It's been a while... I really need to post more often!

To 1-year-old:
     "Don't play with your pee!"

3-year-old, yelling from the bathroom:
     "Mommy! There's bugs in the tub!"
     "Ok, they're in the tub, they're not going to get you. Finish what you're doing and get out."
     "No, come here!"
     "Fine." (In the bathroom) "Where are these alleged bugs?"
     "I don't know..."

Talking to 3-year-old while she's in the bathroom:
     "What are you doing?"
     "I'm trying to push my poop out. It's hard."
     "Oh, I'm sorry."
     (Excitedly, a few seconds later) "It came out!"

To 1-year-old:
     "Why are you eating a popsicle in the bathroom?"

To 1-year-old:
     "Why are you drinking and dancing?" (It was water...but I didn't think I'd be saying that for a few years, lol).

Changing 1-year-old's diaper:
     "Ow."
     "Well, quit eating hair and I won't have to pull it out of your butt hole."

3-year-old, swinging a toy fish around:
     "It's a fishcopter!"

To 3-year-old:
     "No more 'super jumps'"

Talking to 3-year-old while I'm sweeping:
     "Put your feet back, they're in the way."
     "Don't want you to sweep my feet off!"

3-year-old, wrapped up in her white blanket:
     "I'm a roll of TP!"

To 1-year-old:
     "Go back to the living room! I'm trying to put laundry away!"
     *Backs all the way out to the living room*
     "You can turn around, you don't have to back up..."

Changing 1-year-old's pull-up:
     "Why did a quarter fall out of your diaper?"

3-year-old yelling from the bathroom:
     "Help, Mommy! I'm about to fall into the toilet!"
The funniest part? She really was about to fall into the toilet.

To 1-year-old:
     "You cannot wear a nightie to go get your hair cut."

Kids taking a bath:
     (3-year-old) "Don't put it on your nipples, Adia!"
     (Me) "She can do what she wants with it, it's her soap and her nipples."

To 1-year-old:
     "Quit licking your toes!"

To 3-year-old:
     "Take my bra off of your head."

To my husband:
     "You have a monkey in your butt."
You find toys everywhere when you have kids...lol.

1-year-old getting out of the tub:
     "I wet."
     "You were taking a bath!"

My husband changing our 1-year-old's diaper:
     "No farting without a diaper on!"

1-year-old, while I was sitting on the toilet:
     *points* "Mommy panties."
     "Yes, I am wearing my own panties."

To 1-year-old playing with a toy tractor:
     "Why are you driving on yourself?"

To 3-year-old:
     "Why do you have a stick up the hamster's butt?" (It was a toy hamster, in case you were concerned LOL).

Me talking to my 3-year-old who had to pee in the middle of dinner:
     "Don't get pizza on your panties!"

To 3-year-old:
     "Get the pants off of the giraffe's head."

Talking to 1-year-old:
     "Where's your cup?"
     *points*
     "Where? I don't see it."
     *points the other direction*
     "It's not there, either. Do you KNOW where it is?"
     *shakes head*

3-year-old:
     "I left my green noise-maker at Grandma and Grandpa's."
     "I'm sorry. We'll get it next time we're over there."
     "I hope Grandma and Grandpa aren't playing with my noise-maker."

3-year-old, going into the bathroom:
     "I have to go explode, because my tummy is really upset." (Blame her father for that phrase).

My husband to our 1-year-old:
     "Don't scrape me with the toast."

To 1-year-old:
     "Don't eat the bubbles! It's soap, it's not to eat!"

You Can't Have Your Rocking Horse in Your Crib!

Talking to 3-year-old:
     "What did you do to your bread?"
     "I put polka dots on it!"
     "The bread does not need decorating. Just eat it!"

Talking to 1-year-old:
     "Stop it! I'm trying to write. The dolly can dance somewhere else."

Talking to my 3-year-old about brushing her teeth:
     "I need to brush my moles."
     "Molars."

Talking to 3-year-old, playing with a toy car:
     "I am not a road."
     "You can be a road!"
     "I don't want to be a road. I don't enjoy being driven upon."

My 3-year-old, looking at the window:
     "You shouldn't use glass, it breaks."
     "Well, what should they be made of then?"
     "Bricks."
     "They'd be kind of hard to see out of."
     "You could take one out."
     *unable to control my giggling at this point*
     "You could put a screen on it."
Good concept, kid.

3-year-old, a few minutes after she went to the bathroom:
     "Who helped me put on my panties?"    
     "You put them on..."
     "But I was just sitting there!"

1-year-old, pointing out of her crib at bedtime:
     "Horsie"
     "You can't have your rocking horse in your crib!"
     *screaming temper tantrum*

Talking to 3-year-old:
     "I don't know what Adia is going to do when you go to school. She's going to be lonely, she's used to having you to play with."
     "You can play with her."
     "Yeah, I will."
     "Take good care of her, Mommy."

Get Your Butt out of Your Sister's Face and Quit Trying to 'Sting' Her

3-year-old:
    "Don't tickle me! It makes me pee."

3-year-old, yelling from the bathroom:
     "Mommy! I pooped out corn!"

3-year-old, combing my hair over my face:
     "You look like a black bush!"

Talking to 1-year-old, who wanted to be in the bathroom with Daddy:
     "Here, sit in the chair and you can watch Daddy shave."
     (3-year-old, on the toilet) "And you can watch me poop, Adia!"
     "No one needs to watch you poop."

1-year-old is snorting snot at me:
     "Stop it. You're not a puppy."
     " A kitty!"
     "Oh, you're a kitty?"
     "Yes."

3-year-old, getting dressed before going outside:
     "I don't want to get my belly button sunburned!"

To 3-year-old:
     "Be quiet for a minute! Everything that pops into your head does not need to be spoken."

To 1-year-old:
     "Don't poke the tent with a stick!"

To 3-year-old, "pretending to be a wasp":
     "You're not a wasp. Get your butt out of your sister's face and quit trying to 'sting' her."

To 1-year-old:
     "Don't poke me in the face with a chicken nugget!"

Talking to 3-year-old, after she burps mid-word, while talking to me:
     "Bless you."
     "I didn't burp!"
     "You didn't?"
     "No!"
     "Then what was it?"
     "A sneeze."
     "You can't sneeze mid-word."
     "Achoo."

To 1-year-old, poking me with a stick:
     "Hey! Watch where you're poking! No poking in the butt."

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