You Cannot Wear the Firefighter Hat in the Bathtub

To 4-year-old: "Don't feed your sister, she can feed herself!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the soap, scrub with it!"

My husband: "I still want feetie jammies."
4-year-old: "Like grown-up teenager jammies? That's silly!"
Me: "Mommy and Daddy are not teenagers."
My husband: "Not for a long time..."

Trying to get 4-year-old to stay in bed at night:
"Now, stay in bed!"
"I've been quiet for a while."
"You've been quiet for maybe a minute."
"Yeah..."

To 2-year-old: "I think you're about ready to start potty training, since you're holding your own feet for me while I change your diaper."

To both girls: "Stop sniffing your feet!"

To 2-year-old: "You cannot wear the firefighter hat in the bathtub!"

To 2-year-old: "Get the bucket off of your foot and quit kicking your sister with it!"

4-year-old: "Adia pulled my hair!"
Me: "Adia, don't pull your sister's hair!"
2-year-old: "I bite it."
Me: "Well, don't bite your sister's hair, either!"

To 2-year-old: "Mousekersizing with a cookie in your hand... seems a bit contradictory."

4-year-old to 2-year-old: "Stop jumping on the couch, ma'am."

To 4-year-old: "Your sister is not a bouncy ball."

To 2-year-old: "Don't pour your apple juice on your chicken nuggets!"

To 4-year-old: "You just got apple pie on my foot!"

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Quit Scratching Your Butt and Sit Down

To 2-year-old: "Nobody wants to eat the french fry you've been nibbling on."

To both girls: "No! No tug-of-war with your blanket on the bed!"

4-year-old: "Ow! I'm a little bit clumsy."
Me: "Yes, yes you are."
My husband: "A little bit?!"

4-year-old: "Who farted?"
2-year-old: "Me!"

To 4-year-old: "My foot is not a phone."

My husband talking to our 2-year-old:
"Daddy, I'm wet!"
"I know you're wet. You're in a bath tub, that's generally what happens."

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Don't smoosh your sister's toys."

To 2-year-old: "Quit scratching your butt and sit down."

To 2-year-old: "Quit 'fishing' with your french fry."

To 2-year-old:
"You're not mousekersizing. You're being lazy."
*Nods while chugging down apple juice.*

To both girls: "Stop bunny-hopping!"

Me to 4-year-old looking at spices while I made cider: "You don't want to put oregano in apple cider."

To 2-year-old, while changing her pull-up:
*Starts to run off*
"Wait! You only have one leg in!"

To 2-year-old: "You can't brush your teeth and eat chicken at the same time."