Your Big Sister is Not Authorized to Give You Candy

To 4-year-old: "Get the horse out of the doorway."

My husband to our 2-year-old, playing with a toy fishing pole: "You don't need to go fishing in Mommy's coffee!"

To 2-year-old: "Take off Daddy's cowboy boot!"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"Can I have it so I can fix it?"
"No!"
"Fine, you can have a one-eyed snake, then!"

4-year-old traced her little sister's hand to draw a turkey.
"Look, Adia, it's a turkey!"
"I eat it?"

To 2-year-old:
"Leave my computer alone!"
"It was Tuck."

To 2-year-old: "Your big sister is not authorized to give you candy."

My husband to me, after our 2-year-old crapped in the tub: "You take care of the little tushie, while I fish the turd out of the tub."

To 2-year-old: "Don't pick your scab just because you want a band-aid."

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Don't bite the iPad, you little weirdo."

To 2-year-old: "Well, Captain Hook, you have a turd in your butt."

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Don't get the goo out! Just eat the cookie."

To 2-year-old: "Don't step on my bladder!" Never thought I'd say that after they were born...

To 2-year-old: "The paper towels are not the Wonder Pets' bed." Paper towels off the roll and torn up, I might add. :/

To 4-year-old: "Don't use your Barbies as lightsabers!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't put your fruit snacks between your toes!"