What? It's No Fun if You Can't Chew on It?

To 2-year-old: "Stop wiggling your butt with poop in it."
Her: *giggle*

To 2-year-old: "I cannot take a piece of pasta out for you to try. The grocery store frowns upon that."

2-year-old, while I'm changing her diaper: "I want see turd!"

2-year-old was messing around at dinner:
"Sit down!"
"On the floor?"
"No! Not on the floor, on the chair!"

To 4-year-old, playing with her big stuffed tiger: "Why are you slapping the tiger in the face?'

Trying to put on 2-year-old's feetie jammies: "That's a foot hole, not an arm hole."

To 2-year-old, pretending a toy is a phone: "Why are you talking on a lizard?"

To 2-year-old: "Why are you 'ribet'ing at me?"

To 2-year-old, eating pizza rolls: "You can't just squeeze out the filling, you have to eat the whole thing."

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat your toe jam! Eww!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the napkin, eat the bread!"

To both kids: "Mommy and Daddy's motorcycle helmets are not toys."

To both kids: "I'm putting away laundry, go march somewhere else."

To 2-year-old: "Your waffle is not a hat. Please take it off."

To 2-year-old, chewing on a toy:
"Don't chew on that!"
*throws it on the floor*
"What? It's no fun if you can't chew on it?"

Talking to 2-year-old about her toy that she got wet:
"I'll figure out a way to dry her when I get out of the tub."
"I know!" *runs off* I wash Ming-Ming on my shoe! *rubs Ming-Ming on the sole of her shoe*
How did that possibly seem like the thing to do...?

Just Because You Want to Play with the Toilet Paper Roll Doesn't Mean You Can Take All of the TP Off

(Overhearing 4-year-old in the bathtub with her sister)
"Scrub my butt!"
"Don't scrub your sister's butt!"

To 4-year-old, while changer her little sister's butt: "Leave your sister's poopy butt alone."

To 4-year-old who was handing a tissue to my husband: "You're old enough to throw away your own boogers."

To 2-year-old: "No, no, no! The iPad is not for your ponies to walk on!"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"I want take hand off."
"You want to take my hand off?"
"Yeah."
"It doesn't work like that, you can't just take body parts off."

My husband to our 2-year-old, whose diapers were falling off inside of her feetie jammies: "What are you, a butt magician?"

4-year-old, lifting up her little sister's jammies:
"There's a butt!"
"Of course there's a butt. It didn't fall off."

4-year-old: "We have a circus act! Come see it!"
My husband: "I knew this house was a circus..."

2-year-old: "I hurt my armpit."

To 2-year-old: "Get your face out of my butt." (No, I'm not dyslexic).

Changing 2-year-old's diaper:
"I almost lost the poop."
"I lost the poop!"
"I know you did- out of your butt."

To 2-year-old: "Take your stool back to the bathroom. Whatever you want to reach, you don't need to."

2-year-old:
"I want watch Doctor Who."
"Well, Doctor Who isn't on, you'll have to settle for Diego. Sorry to disappoint you."
I have officially nerdified my toddler :)

To 2-year-old: "Just because you want to play with the toilet paper roll, doesn't mean you can take all of the TP off."

To 2-year-old: "Don't put your carrot in your play-dough!"

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