Quit Playing with the Trash Can

4-year-old:
"I'm tired so, I need some olives."
"What does being tired have to do with olives?"
*blushes* "Oh, I meant hungry."

To 2-year-old who took her diaper off while playing 'parade.': "Excuse me, you can't march in a parade with a naked tushie."

To 2-year-old: "No hammers in bed."

To 4-year-old: "You're the only person I know that's ticklish on their face."

About 2-year-old dressed up for Halloween: "Cinderella pooped her pants."

To 2-year-old: "Just because you are mad doesn't mean you can move furniture around!"

To 2-year-old:
*Sniff* "Did you poop?"
"No, Papa."
"Don't be blaming your smell on Papa, he's not even here!"

*My husband farts*
4-year-old: *giggle* "It sounds like a musical instrument!"

To 2-year-old: "Get your sister's dirty panties off your head. Ew."

2-year-old, with Daddy's boot sock on her hand: "Fishing pole!"

To 2-year-old stepping on the trash can pedal, opening and closing it: "Quit playing with the trash can and sit down and eat."

To 2-year-old: "Don't beat Elmo up."

To 4-year-old: Why do you have a tea pot in your bed?"

Please Quit Driving on My Clean Laundry

Me, to 2-year-old: "What do you have in your mouth?"
4-year-old: "I gave her bread crumbs."
Me: "You have your sister bread crumbs? How kind of you..."

To 4-year-old squeezing a bath toy: "Pay attention to where you are squirting!"

To 4-year-old: "Why do you have a boot in a bucket?"

To 4-year-old: "How did you scratch yourself on a pillow?"

Me: "Adia's feet are cute."
4-year-old: "I have big feet."
Me: "And smelly. Of course, hers are smelly, too."
4-year-old: "But mine are smellier!"

To 2-year-old: "Why are you setting your water on top of your waffle? It's not a waffle coaster."

To 4-year-old: "Get your backpack off of your head." (As in, her head was in the backpack).

4-year-old, looking at her little sister's poop in her diaper: "It's shaped like a chicken!"

Changing 2-year-old's diaper:
2-year-old: "I hold my feetsies."
My husband: "Glad we taught her that at the age of two."
Me: "Eh, it'll come in handy eventually."
*Husband glares at me*

To 2-year-old: "Why is the doll house wearing a firefighter hat?"

2-year-old, walking up behind me: "I need that boob."
Me: "What?" *turn around* "That's a bib."

To 2-year-old: "Eat your rice, don't poke it."

To 2-year-old: "Please quit driving on my clean laundry."

You Cannot Wear the Firefighter Hat in the Bathtub

To 4-year-old: "Don't feed your sister, she can feed herself!"

To 2-year-old: "Don't eat the soap, scrub with it!"

My husband: "I still want feetie jammies."
4-year-old: "Like grown-up teenager jammies? That's silly!"
Me: "Mommy and Daddy are not teenagers."
My husband: "Not for a long time..."

Trying to get 4-year-old to stay in bed at night:
"Now, stay in bed!"
"I've been quiet for a while."
"You've been quiet for maybe a minute."
"Yeah..."

To 2-year-old: "I think you're about ready to start potty training, since you're holding your own feet for me while I change your diaper."

To both girls: "Stop sniffing your feet!"

To 2-year-old: "You cannot wear the firefighter hat in the bathtub!"

To 2-year-old: "Get the bucket off of your foot and quit kicking your sister with it!"

4-year-old: "Adia pulled my hair!"
Me: "Adia, don't pull your sister's hair!"
2-year-old: "I bite it."
Me: "Well, don't bite your sister's hair, either!"

To 2-year-old: "Mousekersizing with a cookie in your hand... seems a bit contradictory."

4-year-old to 2-year-old: "Stop jumping on the couch, ma'am."

To 4-year-old: "Your sister is not a bouncy ball."

To 2-year-old: "Don't pour your apple juice on your chicken nuggets!"

To 4-year-old: "You just got apple pie on my foot!"

Signature tag by Geeky Graphx.

Quit Scratching Your Butt and Sit Down

To 2-year-old: "Nobody wants to eat the french fry you've been nibbling on."

To both girls: "No! No tug-of-war with your blanket on the bed!"

4-year-old: "Ow! I'm a little bit clumsy."
Me: "Yes, yes you are."
My husband: "A little bit?!"

4-year-old: "Who farted?"
2-year-old: "Me!"

To 4-year-old: "My foot is not a phone."

My husband talking to our 2-year-old:
"Daddy, I'm wet!"
"I know you're wet. You're in a bath tub, that's generally what happens."

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Don't smoosh your sister's toys."

To 2-year-old: "Quit scratching your butt and sit down."

To 2-year-old: "Quit 'fishing' with your french fry."

To 2-year-old:
"You're not mousekersizing. You're being lazy."
*Nods while chugging down apple juice.*

To both girls: "Stop bunny-hopping!"

Me to 4-year-old looking at spices while I made cider: "You don't want to put oregano in apple cider."

To 2-year-old, while changing her pull-up:
*Starts to run off*
"Wait! You only have one leg in!"

To 2-year-old: "You can't brush your teeth and eat chicken at the same time."