There are Too Many Bodily Functions That Occur Somewhere Other Than the Toilet in This House!

My husband to our 2-year-old: "Quit wiggling your cheese at people and just eat it!"

Conversation with my 2-year-old:
"Mommy, I poop."
*look in diaper* "No, you didn't. You just farted."
"Change my farted."
"I don't need to change your diaper for a fart."

To 2-year-old playing with toy food: "You can pretend to eat it but don't actually bite it!"

To 4-year-old: "The spider is not going to eat your Pop-Tart. They don't eat Pop-Tarts."

My husband giving our 2-year-old juice:
"Do you want strawberry or cherry?"
"Blue."
"Blue is not an option."

Yelling at 4-year-old in the bathroom: "If you poop, be sure to wipe your butt!"

To both girls: "Don't put your heads in the doll house, you don't want to get them stuck."

To 4-year-old: "Do not put food inside the printer!"

While doing laundry: "There are too many bodily functions that occur somewhere other than the toilet in this house!"

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Quit rubbing your butt on things, it's weird."

To both girls: "You don't need to ride each other!"

To 4-year-old: "Every time you move, you fart."

My husband: "Where is the plate? The plate isn't even on the table anymore! It's across the room! What happened to cleaning up?!"

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