Why is There a Toilet in My Pillow?

To 2-year-old: "Quit trying to put your dollies in my pants!"

Talking to our 2-year-old during dinner one night:
Me: "Eat your beans."
My husband: "They make you fart!"
*She smiles and pushes*
Me: "That doesn't mean you have to try while you're eating them."

To 4-year-old: "It's not a drumstick, it's a fork." (Ok, I heard that one A LOT as a kid, lol).

To 2-year-old: "Don't grab people's butts.

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Can we go outside and blow my bubbles?"
"No, it's too cold out."
*Looks out the window* "I don't see any cold."
"You can't see cold."
"Oh. Why not?"

Me, when going to bed: "Why is there a toilet in my pillow?"

My husband to our 4-year-old: "Your sleeve is not a booger wiper."

4-year-old, running up to my husband:
"My balloon popped!"
"What happened?"
"I was poking it with this." *pulls out a toy knife*
"Ok, you can't poke a balloon with a KNIFE!"

To my 2-year-old after dinner: "Hang on, come here. You have rice in your nose."

4-year-old:
"Get the tutu off your neck."
"But I'm pretending to be a flower!"

2-year-old burps, and starts chewing.
My husband: "Did you burp some up that you're chewing?"
Adia: "Yeah."
My husband: "That's gross."

To my 2-year-old:
"Are you done eating?"
"No."
"Then sit down and eat. I'm not going to sit out here all afternoon while you dance around!"

Me, to my 2-year-old holding tongs:
"Put those down before you hurt yourself."
My 4-year-old: "You're gonna snap your eye out!"
"No, she's not! Don't tell her that."

Our 2-year-old looks in the toilet while we are cleaning her poop out of the bathtub.
"I poop in toilet!"
"Just because your poop is in the toilet, doesn't mean that you pooped in the toilet."