Stand Still, I Was Trying to Crack Open Your Head

Talking to 4-year-old:
"What are you drawing?"
"A super potato!"

4-year-old to a fly: "Shoo! Leave my sister alone!"

To 2-year-old: "Quit splashing in your green bean juice and eat them!"

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Stop with the squeaking!"
"But I found a squeaky block!"
"That doesn't mean you have to squeak it!"

To 2-year-old: "It's not a ring, it's an olive."

4-year-old sitting on her princess chair talking to me while I was cleaning:
"You must bow when you speak to me!"
*pffft* "The poop I do!"
"You just bend your neck, like this!"
"I know how to do it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna!"

To 2-year-old: "Do not smoosh your french fry with your foot!"

To 2-year-old: "I cannot wash a chicken nugget."

Talking to 4-year-old:
"Mommy what's recycling?"
"Well, it's when people take things and break them down to make new paper, or plastic, or whatever it is."
"Or hats!"

To 4-year-old, who was trying to tell me how to put my band-aid on: "I've been using band-aids a lot longer than you have."

2-year-old: "I want drive car."

Overhearing my 4-year-old talking to her little sister:
"Stand still, I was trying to crack open your head."
"What?! No! Do not crack open your sister's head!"
"It was just pretend."

To both of my girls while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth: "Less giggling, more brushing."

To 2-year-old: "You haven't even touched the toothpaste. Stick that in there and brush!"

To 2-year-old: "Your cup is not a football."

2-year-old: "I want pick it."
*I turn around to look at her* "Why are you picking your belly button?" To my husband: "Must you teach our children strange habits?"

Talking to 2-year-old:
"Did you poop?"
"No."
*I look in her diaper* "You did too, there's a huge turd in there!"
*giggles*

To 2-year-old: "Quit bouncing your olives!"

To 2-year-old: "Hey! You can't just bust in on people in the bathroom!"

To 2-year-old: "Quit licking my chair!"

To 4-year-old: "Don't tie yourself together, that's not a good idea."

To 2-year-old: "We cannot have chicken nuggets for every meal."

To 2-year-old: "You cannot just take a bite out of a raw onion!"

To 4-year-old: "Don't fart into your bowl!" *a few seconds later* "Don't make your sister sniff the bowl!"

To 2-year-old: "Can we quit talking about farts at the table?"

My husband to our 4-year-old, who was trying to 'fold' her little sister: "Don't grab body parts and fold them!"

To 2-year-old who was watching me take a bath: "Quit splashing! You're not even in the bath tub and you're splashing!"

4-year-old to my husband, while smearing bubbles all over herself in the tub: "I like to wear bubble armor!"

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