More odd things we have said to our kids...

"Threatening people with spaghetti is generally not a good idea."
"Get your finger out of my nose!"
"My hair is not reins."
"You are not your sister's grandma."
"Don't hit your sister with the spoon."
"I am not a slide."
"Crackers are not a squeezable food."
"You cannot go outside in your underwear and Daddy's combat boots."
"You don't need to 'stir' your sister."
"You don't need to eat toilet paper!"
(Playing with flashlight) "Don't shine that at people." (Shines it at her baby sister) "Your sister is a people."
"Don't just eat the butter. Eat the waffle."
"Don't drive on your sister."
"Don't smack me with a saxophone!"
"Potato chips are not a breakfast food."
"After you poop, you have to wipe your butt. You can't just pull up your panties and go."
"You cannot pick other people's noses."
"Don't get so upset with chicken in your mouth!"
(Baby steals my pen, the day after she learns to walk, and tries to toddle off with it) "If you're gonna start a life of crime, you better learn to walk faster."
"Magazine are for reading, not eating."
"Don't lick your pickle. It's not a popsicle."
"Why is there a sandwich on the bathroom counter?"
"Your toy nose does not need to walk."
"Don't squeeze it, eat it."
"Don't throw tuna at me!"
"Don't shake your tuna sandwich."
(Trying to comb her hair) "Sit still or you're gonna look like Elvis."
"How does pooping remind one to take their vitamin?"
"Don't giggle at it, just eat it."
"Why is there rice in your hair?"
"Get your hand out of your butt crack."